Phil the Presumptuous

Punxsutawney Phil, you presumptuous little Sciuridae. I bet the global whining fanatics are trembling in their overpriced Uggs and Land's End parkas right about now. Who knew Phil was a conservative? Certainly not the smiling cynic. Your 35% accuracy rating should qualify you for a czar-ship with his holiness Obamer. But since your batting average is too high for the high and mighty, maybe an honorary mention in the Baseball Hall of Fame is in order. I love non sequitur Mondays! Which is Doubly-funny because it's Tuesday.

O.F. the Jovial

Oppressive Optimism

Two weeks ago, I embarked on a week-loooong journey of optimism. For one whole week I attempted, and mostly succeeded, in looking for the silver lining in every situation that was so bold as to bask in my normally sour-faced presence. It was hell, but not really.

I was, dare I say, pleasant and hopeful at every opportunity. I was even happier at the end of the week. Did my cynicism die? Not by a long shot. In fact, I found that I can be optimistic, cynical, disillusioned, and happy simultaneously. What an amazing feeling. I have finally achieved balance. My friends laughed, but they have actually seen the difference in the emotional equilibrium I have cultivated.

Our union presidents didn't know what to do. Watching them squirm in the confusion of my amicable and courteous demeaner was priceless. It is a tactic that I am still using and the results are amazing. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed Jack is king. For me, it is a helpful and handy tool in my rucksack. For them, they think they are making inroads and having me on their side. In reality, they get sloppy and make sophmoric mistakes that are to the Agency's, and the bargaining unit's, advantage. Ain't life grand?

Anyhoo, don't worry. The smiling cynic isn't going anywhere for a while. I just needed a week to recover from hyper-optimisia. Get ready for more rants and raves later this week.

Old Fart

Hocus Focus

Jury selection in the murder trial for slain late-term abortion Doctor George Tiller began yesterday. For those outside of Kansas, Dr. Tiller was one of only three doctors in the U.S. that performed third trimester and partial-birth abortions. He was routinely supported by, and gave financial support to, former Kansas Governer Kathleen Sibelius, now Secretary of Health and Human Services in the Obama administration; who, in return, granted him protection from prosecution for denying the right to life for unborn and partially born infants.

The judge in the case is allowing the freedom fighter who killed Dr. Tiller, Scott Roeder, to present a "necessity defense"* in court. Prosecutors are adamant about not bringing the abortion argument into court and have filed motions attempting to ban the use of term and subject of abortion from trial proceedings.

Good luck with that. The only reason Mr. Roeder killed Dr. Tiller was because of his late-term abortion practices. I think the guy deserves a medal. Abortion is one of many practices that are unconstitutional (5th Amendment, right to life) yet allowable by doctrine.

Dr. Tiller's death should be viewed as the first of many in the war against abortion. Millions of innocent unborn children are denied the right to life in this country every year. Why shouldn't someone from the opposing forces be slain in this battle? Think of it as a 273rd trimester abortion which should appease the critics.

*The necessity defense is asserted by a criminal or civil defendant that he or she had no choice but to break the law. In this case, Scott Roeder will be allowed to testify that he believed he was saving unborn children. The necessity defense allows for a reduction in charges from first-degree murder to voluntary manslaughter, which carries a lesser penalty.

Another Snow Job

We've received a little bit of snow here in the Midwest. I shoveled over a foot off my deck so I could grill a steak in 19 degree weather last night; but hey, "Have Beer, Will Grill" is my motto. While I was enjoying my Newcastle, smelling the awesomeness that is cow flesh charring on an open flame, and wishing the snow would melt I was thinking about another snow job that came my way.

Before I go on I must say, I'm glad I have a fairly secure job with benefits. BUT, President Hussein gave me and my fellow "gomment" employees and good ole fashioned screwing this year. Not the nice kind with flowers and enough booze to loosen you up; but the kind that leaves a pain in your ass.

Federal employees are paid, on average, about 25% less than their private sector counterparts. You can take your service to the public and suck it up comments, roll them up and forcibly insert them in to your anus. In layman's terms, shove it up your ass. You get what you pay for. If you're OK with the service received from a VA doc that makes about $300K less annually than a similarly situated physician I'll listen; otherwise I stand by that last statement, YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR.

Our "esteemed" President gave all Federal employees a 1.77% cost of living (COLA) increase for 2010. Our health insurance premiums are going up 12%, but in a few more months I'll be enrolled in a public option. So, no worries right?

Anyway, if our President had given all our service men and women a 5% COLA increase, I'd gladly forgo the COLA increase. He didn't do that though. He screwed them with a meager 2% COLA increase. And you thought Tiger Woods was a horn dog.

With our health insurance premiums increasing, that brings my 2010 COLA increase to about -10.79%. Thanks Mr. President. Next time, don't forget the lube!

Random Rants

Thus begins what will become a recurring section on the blog: Random Rants. As the name suggests, here is where I will fire off a random rant toward management, the government, family, or anyone else who appear in my cross hairs. Here goes...

Hey Mr. Boss Man,

I have been tasked with a job, by you or someone you have designated. Apparently I do my job a little too effectively for your taste. I know you like to sit up in your ivory tower caressing your golden throne, insulated from the daily mundane tasks a properly trained monkey could accomplish, but your job is to back up your employees on the front lines, in this case, of labor warfare.

My job is to ensure a delicate balance and maintain peace between employee morale, irrational union representatives, unmotivated employees, incompetent supervisory and management officials, lack of leadership accompanied by over-mismanagement, and a little thing called, The Law.

The Law gives the Agency (a.k.a.: management) certain rights regarding how to run the organization. Additionally, it outlines what are and are not legal behaviors for our unions to engage.

Boss, you frustrate me beyond belief. All day long I deal with irrational union presidents and stewards. They are bullies. When they don't get what they want, when they want it, they throw tantrums. They send emails to you and your boss, write congressmen, senators and the President, file unfair labor practices and attempt to make life unbearable. This is where you should step up and support your staff instead of instructing us to back off. I'm sure if I backed off and acquiesced to their every demand you would not hear anything from them and your "throne-time" would pass uninterrupted. I'm also sure if I did that it would be reflected in my performance appraisal.

I, more than anyone else, know how important it is to choose battles small enough to win but large enough to matter, but you need to understand a simple distinction between involvement and commitment.

Take a ham and egg breakfast for example. In a ham and egg breakfast, the chicken is involved; the pig is committed. You may be involved, but my rump is on the line in how I perform my duties.

Instead of the typical knee-jerk reaction you have, which is instructing me to back off, maybe you should ask, "What the hell is going on?" Once you have the facts, you'll know I'm on top of things and taking fire to protect you and the organization from out of control union militants.

Seek first the information to make an informed decision. You may be surprised to know that the unions are pushing for more control over the organization and I and my team are fighting them off and keeping them from running the organization into the ground.

I hope this helps. Have a great day and let me do my job.

Sincerely,

Old Fart

A Gift From Old Fart

In the giving spirit of Christmas, here are ten people I'd like to punch in the face - in no particular order.

Harry Reid

Newt Gingrich

Nancy Pelosi

Barbara Boxer

Howard Dean

Rham Emanuel (his last name should be Morning Star)

Joy Behar

Oprah

Robert Gibbs

Chris Dodd

Merry Christmas!

Life in the Stovepipe: Or How I learned to Stop Caring and Love Burning Money

It goes without saying, but the federal government is infamous for its bureaucracy. For example, several years ago, Department of Defense created centralized regional offices that managed multiple bases. Instead of each military facility standing on its own in regards to budget, structure, management, etc., multiple installations were regonalized and another inefficient layer of management added. Two years after the reorganization, fraud and inefficiency caused DoD to decentralize and return to each base managing itself.

Although the VA is divided into three groups (Veterans Health Administration (VHA), Veterans Benefits Administration (VBA) and Veterans Cemetery Administration (VCA)) for simplicity I will focus on VHA.

In similar fashion, and not to be out-bureaucratized by another agency, the Department of Veterans Affairs, Veterans Health Administration followed suit. About the time that DoD realized its mistake and began to restructure, the VA began to centralize into Veterans Integrated Service Networks (VISNs). Instead of each VA hospital having responsibility over its budget and services, the VISNs restructured into 23 regional offices. The VISNs have oversight and budgetary authority over all VA Hospitals within their respective geographical boundaries. To add to the doldrums, many VA hospitals were integrated into health care systems. For example, Tennessee Valley Health Care System (TVHS) is comprised of the Nashville, and Murfreesboro, TN VA hospitals and Eastern Kansas Health Care System (EKHCS) is comprised of both Leavenworth, and Topeka, KS VA hospitals. Further, plans exists to consolidate all VISN offices which oversee the hospitals and health care systems in their respective regions. Lets take a look at VISN 9, VA Mid South Healthcare and VISN 15, VA Heartland Networks and juxtapose.

VISN 9 consists of 9 VA hospitals in Kentucky, Tennessee and West Virginia; 8 Outpatient Clinics in Kentucky, Tennessee, and Virginia; and 37 Community Based Outpatient Clinics (CBOCs) in Arkansas, Indiana, Kentucky, Mississippi, Tennessee, and West Virginia. VISN 9 is not centralized, but funding is filtered through the VISN office (located in Nashville, TN) and divided up between the facilities. Each VA medical center is responsible for its own HR functions (Staffing, Position Classification, Retirement, Processing and Records (official records and files), and Employee and Labor Relations) and the CBOCs and clinics assigned to each hospital.

Filling a Vacant Position in a Non-Centralized VA Hospital:

When a position becomes available, the service line manager coordinates with HR for recruitment. HR reviews the paperwork and initiates the recruitment process through posting the position on USAJobs.gov. The HR office accepts all applications and reviews them to determine eligibility and qualification of applicants. The HR office creates a list of qualified and eligible applicants, then forwards the list to the service line manager to conduct interviews and make a selection. Once a selection is made, the paperwork is returned to the HR office and reviewed. If everything is on par, the applicant is offered the position and the HR office completes all the necessary paperwork.

VISN 15 consists of 8 VA hospitals in Missouri, Kansas and Illinois; and 41 CBOCs in Arkansas, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, and Missouri. The centralized VISN office, Located in Leavenworth, KS handles all the HR functions for the 8 medical centers and 41 CBOCs with HR Liaisons located at each facility. The VISN office handles Staffing, Classification, and Processing and Records. The HR Specialists at the VISN office are GS-12 specialists and are divided into blocks. The HR Liaisons at the medical facilities are GS-11 specialist and coordinate with the VISN for staffing, classification and processing and records.

Filling a vacant position in a centralized VISN.

When a vacancy becomes available in the medical center, the HR liaisons initiate recruitment to fill the position. They receive information from the service line manager (i.e. nursing) requesting a position to be filled, complete the proper paperwork, then forward the paperwork to the VISN office for completion. The VISN office posts the job on USAJobs.gov, receives all applications, reviews applications to determine qualified applicants, creates lists of qualified applicants based on eligibility, Veterans' Preference and qualifications, then forwards the list to the HR Liaison in the facility. The HR Liaison will forward the lists of eligible and qualified applicants to the service line manager for interviews and selection. Upon selection being made by the service line, the paperwork is returned to the HR liaison for review. Once reviewed by the HR liaison, the paperwork is forwarded to the VISN for another review. After the second review, the paperwork is returned to the HR liaison. If no problems exist, the selected applicant is contact and offered a position by the HR liaison. If the applicant accepts, the paperwork is again returned to the VISN for completion. If problems exists, the process begins anew.

Unfortunately, VISN 9 is gearing up to centralize functions to mirror VISN 15, adding another needless level of bureaucracy to the stovepipe. VA Secretary Eric Shinseki is taking a close look at the centralized model and has concerns over the inefficiency in which it operates.

In October, Secretary Shinseki asked VA employees for their ideas on improving services and operations. I had written proposal to do away with the VISN offices and have have every VA hospital responsible only for itself and associated CBOCs. All VISN Directors are Senior Executive Service (SES) and not GS employees - translation: They make Big Bucks $150K +. If you assume a GS-15, step 1 salary for the 23 VISN directors, deleting the VISN offices (and directors) from the VA would generate an immediate cost savings of approximately $2.5 million. I never submitted my proposal. All ideas generated by VA employees were reviewed by the Network directors. My proposal would have been DOA.

Another problem is the inequity of salary between the VISN HR specialist and the HR Liaisons. VISN 15 purposely hoards information and work to justify their positions, yet they have no real knowledge of how the facilities operate, nor do they communicate with the hospital staff, with the exception of the HR Liaisons. Front line HR Specialist at the facilities are shafted by the needless organizational structure. Also, facility level staff rarely receive year-end bonuses. Amazingly, the money dries up before it leaves the VISN office. But you can rest assured that the VISN fat cats get their bonuses, some of which top out at about $20K!

All this to say, if you think health care is expensive now, wait until the government owns and runs it all. You will see VA Hospitals replaced with Federal Hospitals and lines of sick and dying patients across the U.S. Yet another example of bureaucratic red tape that hinders operations and creates inefficiency.

It's time to wake up America. This consolidation of power is getting worse under President Hussein. From czars to security lapses to indecisiveness, government is growing more powerful. Thomas Jefferson once said, "When people fear their government, there is tyranny; when government fears the people, there is liberty." I, for one, want more liberty!